Monday, June 28, 2010


Per usual, these last couple of months have gone by way too fast. I can't believe it's already summer, I can't believe it's almost time to pack up and move back to St. Louis for the season, and I can't believe that an entire year has gone by since Danny and I got married.

Twelve months of being legally bonded to my partner-in-crime through contractual obligation have pretty much come and gone in the blink of an eye. In some ways this last year felt like a drop in the bucket, just a tiny fraction of the eight years we've spent together and the gajillion more we'll see through, but in other ways, it felt somewhat monumental. I've heard people say that the only thing that changes when you get married is your last name, but I couldn't disagree more.

I'm actually quite certain that the little piece of paper that validates a marriage, the age old vows of "til death do us part" and the long-established titles of "husband" and "wife" (regardless of what language you say them in) all completely change the dynamics of any relationship. In my opinion, sacred promises and the idea that they truly bond two separate people into one unit, evoke a completely new sense of commitment. A sort of chosen obligation that puts everything in your life under a fresh lens. Crooked lines straighten out and blurry reflections become clear. You gain a new perspective on things, a new perspective on life. And when you check "Co-dependent" on your tax documents, you're acknowledging a mouthful. You suddenly depend on each other on levels you never knew existed and you somehow learn how to lose yourself in each other, without actually losing yourself at all. It's modern day magic I suppose.

Other than celebrating our anniversary, we've been spending these last two weeks running around like mad, just trying to maximize the small chunk of off-season that we're allotted around this time of year. We started off in St. Louis and then headed to Seattle to participate in the Foundation festivities of a couple of our dear friends. I was lucky enough to get a day of beautiful Seattle sunshine while we were there and another good friend, and Seattle native, showed me the awesome city. She knew the way to my heart and took me to the first Starbucks ever and the amazing Pike Place market. Then Danny and I headed to Southern California to relax and hang with his fam for a few days. It was a rare occasion, having all four of the Fells brothers home at the same time, so we savored every minute of it. I was beyond bummed when I caught a bad head cold that kept us from seeing some of our So Cal faves this year, but I guess it's just more of an excuse for them to visit us in St. Louis soon. Since I was under the weather, Danny headed to Chicago for a golf tournament without me, but I made him promise not to sample Chicago deep dish until we made a return trip to the Windy City. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised that he actually fared well in the challenge.

So we're temporarily back in San Mateo right now, but not for long. The suitcases are strewn along the hardwood floor and the fridge is solely stocked with Mom's chicken soup and some organic vanilla soy milk.

Sometimes I just wanna sit down and stay put long enough to see the leaves fall...or grow...or even just change a little bit in some way because being on the go for so long, makes it hard not to feel like I'm missing out on things. Missing important moments and even missing the insignificant ones that are just as beautiful. But, in a way, I suppose a beautiful thing blooms from the all of the chaos. When time seems to slip through the cracks of our busy schedules, as it has recently, Danny and I try to remind each other to stop and smell the roses. And the roses of our tumultuous life are simply our relationships. Our roses are our company and our company is the family and friends that remind us to take a deep breath in the form of laughing so hard we hyperventilate. They are the well-loved instigators that constantly spark our age old debate of "Which is better, Nor Cal or So Cal?" They're our allies and accomplices who see us through our ups and downs, who are always there, never-changing, and can always make us smile. This last weekend I was honored to be part of the wedding of my most veteran friend. We first met when she wouldn't share her Sour Lemons with me in Kindergarten. I, of course, told on her for having candy because I was bitter about the whole thing but somewhere in between time-out, hopscotch and playing house we became inseparable. When we graduated eighth grade together she gave me a bag of Sour Lemons with a post-it stuck to it that said, "Friends forver, tattle-tail!" and I wouldn't share even one with her just to get back her playfully.

Standing next to her on her special day was enchanting. Twenty two years of friendship is a blessed thing.

As time continues to fly by, I continue to hold true to the only three rules I try to live by these days. Savor moments and your relationships, always have faith and radiate positive energy. I just don't think anything else matters.